


A Vampire in London

by redbeard



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-06 07:41:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 11,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5408561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbeard/pseuds/redbeard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A vampire is leaving bodies all over London, and all the clues point to Baz.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fresh Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz finds a body.

**Baz**

It’s finally dark. There’s too much daylight at this time of year; even in London, where any weather is filtered through the brownish haze of smog. I like the dark. The sun gets in my eyes and stings my skin. In the dark I can see better, even smell better. I feel more alive.

After all, I am a creature of the night.

I feel like I own this city, striding about after dark. I feel powerful – and I am. I am probably the most powerful person on London right now. I’m stronger and faster and have better senses than any other mage. There is only one other vampire with magic, and he’s had his fangs taken out and his wand snapped. (And the other vampires _still_ seem to be afraid of him.)

It’s times like this that I have to suppress the urge to hunt. There’s a big, full tub of fresh blood waiting for me in the fridge at home. I focus on that to distract myself. I can almost smell it, I’m so thirsty.

I _can_ smell it.

That’s not right.

I follow the smell. It’s strong, and wrong. That’s not pig’s blood – that’s human.

I’m close now, and I under the blood I smell adrenaline. Fear. Cheap deodorant – and just a whiff of something clean and spicy.

I turn into a filthy little alleyway, all overflowing bins and soggy cardboard pallets, and there it is. Straight out of one of those stupid crime shows Simon is always watching. It’s as pale as me, and limp. It’s dark, but I can see well enough to make out the two little puncture marks in the side of the throat.

Aleister fucking Crowley.

Oh, _fuck_.


	2. Lucky Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting involved would be a terrible idea.

**Simon**

It’s three in the morning when I get home from work, but all the lights are on in the flat. I get inside and Penny and Baz are sitting there like it’s Sunday afternoon, drinking tea. Something’s off. Baz is being sneery and superior, which means he’s stressed or upset about something. That’s not unusual, but Penny seems kind of tense.

I guess the fact that they’re both up at three in the morning should be enough to tell me that something isn’t right.

They both jump slightly when I come in. Penny raises a hand in greeting, but neither of them says anything.

“You guys are up late.”

Baz raises one eyebrow.

“Thank you, Snow, I hadn’t noticed.”

He looks terrible. He’s even paler than usual and he keeps fidgeting with his cufflinks.

“What’s going on?”

“Baz found a body,” announces Penny.

I guess that explains everything.

Actually, it doesn’t. It explains Baz, but it doesn’t explain Penny. Normally she’d be all curious and let’s-investigate. Instead she’s treating Baz like – well, like he’s Baz. The old Baz, when we were enemies at Watford.

“It was killed by a vampire,” she clarifies.

Oh. Right.

_Right_.

No wonder Baz is so traumatised. I stride over to the couch and sit down next to him, squeezing his hand.

“Are you ok?”

Baz stares at me for a minute, his face unreadable. Then he throws his arms around me, buries his head in my shoulder and sobs.

**Baz**

I don't know what I did to earn myself a boyfriend like Simon, but I thank my lucky stars for it every day. Forty excruciating minutes of weirdness and suspicion from Bunce, and Simon just sweeps in and suddenly I feel like everything just might be ok.

I lose it completely.

I didn't mean to. I thought I could at least hold it in until Bunce had gone to bed, preferably until Simon was well and truly asleep, but one squeeze of Simon's big, clumsy hand and I'm a mess.

Simon just holds me, silently, and the tiny part of my brain that's still functioning tells me he's having one of his weird telepathic eye-conversations with Bunce.

I don't blame her for being suspicious. I'd be suspicious of me, too. I had to answer about a million questions for the police, but from their perspective it was a really weird crime and there was nothing to suggest I might be responsible. Who exsanguinates a man in a suit and then calls the cops? But to Bunce - to anyone with Magic - it was obviously a vampire.

If Bunce tells anyone - if anyone looks into this and figures it out - I'm dead. Properly dead.

**Penny**

I don't want it to be Baz. I really don't. I really like Baz. And hey, I know there are heaps of vampires in London and it could have been any of them. But I haven't forgotten all those times he tried to kill Simon, back at Watford. I know he doesn't care about anyone who isn't his people and I still suspect that he might be secretly evil. And it just seems like a really big coincidence that a vampire victim would be found by another vampire.

Mostly I don't want it to be Baz because it would break Simon's heart.

He's looking at me over Baz's heaving shoulder with these big, puppy-dog eyes. _It wasn't him, Penny. It couldn't be._

I'll admit the sobbing is convincing. I can't see Baz sacrificing his dignity like that unless he meant it. But it still doesn't mean he's innocent.

_Go to bed, Penny_ , Simon says with his eyes. _I've got this_.

I give him a look that says, _Be Careful_.

I know he won't.

I go to bed.

**Baz**

When I catch my breath, Bunce has gone. Simon awkwardly pushes a box of tissues under my nose.

"What happened?" He's all concern and tenderness.

I tell him.

I tell him about the smell of blood and fear and the clean, spicy smell underneath. I tell him about the pale, bloodless rag doll. I tell him about the puncture marks over the jugular. I tell him about the police and their questions and their bewilderment over this bizarre, macabre murder.

I don't tell him about the moment my stomach drops, the fear that my moment had come. I don't tell him that Bunce's suspicious questions had me convinced that my time was up. I don't tell him that I live with that fear, every moment of every day.

I don't tell him how relieved I was that he believed in me. How he gave me the first little tiny bit of hope I'd had all evening.

I don't tell him that I'm not sure if it's enough.

**Simon**

Obviously my first concern is for Baz. Last time I saw him this upset he tried to set himself on fire. I don’t think he’s going to do that now, but I don’t want to take any risks.

Baz is definitely my biggest concern right now.

There’s a little bit of my brain that’s just the tiniest bit excited.

Not that I’m not very concerned for Baz, I am.

But it’s been so long since I had a mystery to solve. I mean, I’m really enjoying the peace, I am. And I’ve had a lot to work through over the past couple of years. It was really hard, accidentally killing the Mage and losing my magic, and at first I really didn’t think I’d ever be up for adventures or mysteries again.

The quiet life. Baz and Penny and takeaway curry. _Surely_ that’s enough.

I mean, I guess I didn’t really have to get a job just yet. I have enough money to get me through the rest of uni, at least. It was just – the summer break is really long, and when you’re not looking over your shoulder for possessed pensioners or goblin assassins all the time, it can get a bit boring. So I got a job, in a bar. There’s still plenty of time to spend with Baz and Penny, and watch telly and eat takeaway.

I’m definitely not looking for excitement. Or adventure. Or a mystery to solve. That’s why I’m not going to run for the Mage’s seat on the Coven, even though Dr Wellbelove and Penny keep telling me to.

I wonder who killed that man, though? I didn’t think vampires usually left bodies lying around.

Nope. Definitely not looking for a mystery. It was an unfortunate mistake and it’s upset Baz and we all just have to move on.

“I think it was just an unfortunate mistake, and we all simply have to move on,” I tell Baz. He looks faintly surprised and I can tell he’s still pretty shaken because a smile ghosts across his face instead of a sneer.

“Thank you, Snow. I intend to.”

“There’s definitely nothing else we can do. I mean, stuff like this must happen, sometimes. We definitely shouldn’t get involved.”

Baz lifts an eyebrow. “Getting involved would be a terrible idea.”

“Terrible.”

I pause. I look at Baz. He looks back at me.

He’s thinking the same thing that I am.

**Baz**

Getting involved would be a terrible idea. Even Snow can see that, and I’ve seen him jump into terrible ideas like a puppy into puddles.

Getting involved means doing things that might link me to a vampire murder, and that is the absolute last thing I would ever want to do.

But, I didn’t like the way Bunce was questioning me last night. But, I can’t help but wonder whether it was really a coincidence that I was the one to find that body. But, there’s a gleam in Simon’s eye, one that I haven’t seen for a long time. A gleam that means trouble.

I sigh, and smooth down my trouser leg.

“All right, let’s investigate. But only if Bunce agrees to help us. And only if we can get some sleep.”

Snow grins goofily, and so help me, I know I’ll do anything to make him look like that. He bounces on to his feet and holds out his hand to me.

“Deal!”

Aleister Crowley, what on earth have I gotten myself into?


	3. On the case

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny agrees to investigate.

**Baz**

I sleep surprisingly well. Somehow, just knowing that Simon and Bunce are on the case makes me feel better. I’ve seen them crack open much more complicated and dangerous problems than this. When I wake up, Simon is nowhere to be seen. He must be excited – he almost never wakes up before I do.

The door is slightly open and I can hear them talking quietly.

“Please, Penny,” says Simon. I know he’s making his pleading puppy face at her.

“It’s got nothing to do with us, Simon,” she says. “This is a matter for the police.”

“But aren’t you curious?”

She sighs, impatiently.

“Of course I am, Simon, but it’s got nothing to do with us. Besides, I have enough going on right now with summer classes and my stupid family dramas and whatever else. I don’t have time.”

“Please, Penny,” Simon says again. “It’s really upset Baz. I want to solve it, for him. But I can’t do it without you.”

I can’t see them, so don’t know what kind of a look she’s giving him.

“Are you sure, Simon? What if we solve this and you don’t like the answer?”

I can almost hear him shaking his head.

“Baz would never, Penny. I know it. It wasn’t him, and since it isn’t him then it could be literally anyone else and it wouldn’t upset me.”

There is a pause. Then Simon speaks again.

“What family dramas? Is that why you’re always at your Mum’s place?”

Bunce sighs, shrugging her shoulders.

“Yes. It’s Premal. He’s kind of gone off the rails since – since everything went down. I don’t see what it has to do with me, but Mum seems to think that we need to spend a lot more time together, doing family things. Not that we ever did family things before. It’s driving me nuts.”

“I’m sorry, Penny.”

Bunce sighs again.

“All right.”

“All right?”

“All right, I’ll help you.”

Thank goodness. With the dynamic duo on my side I feel like we might get to the bottom of this. I wait an appropriate amount of time before striding into the living room, so they won’t know I’ve been eavesdropping.

“Morning, Bunce. I take it Simon has filled you in on our plan?”

She snorts.

“You don’t have a plan, Baz. You have an idea.”

“We have you,” I tell her. “That’s enough of a plan to start with.”


	4. The Scene of the Crime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny and Simon visit the scene of the crime.

**Simon**

“We’ll have to visit the scene of the crime,” Penny announces. She and Baz have produced a whiteboard from somewhere. (How?) (No really, where the hell did they get it?)

“I’m not going back!” says Baz.

“Why not?” asks Penny, coolly.

“Because that will look suspicious, Bunce,” he retorts. “It’s bad enough that I found the thing. I don’t want to be seen hanging around there again.”

“Fine. Simon and I will go. Use the time to try and remember any little details you’ve forgotten and put them on the whiteboard.”

Baz nods, staring at the few dot points we’ve managed to come up with.

_Body found at approximately 10:20pm (just after dark)_

_Still limp – google rigor mortis?_

_Bite marks, no blood – definitely vampire_

_Male, probably forties? In a suit._

**Penny**

There’s not much left at the crime scene. The police must have cleaned up after they left, or maybe there wasn’t much there to start with. It would really help if we had Baz here to tell us where the body was. I use my phone to take photos so he can point it out to us later.

“What are you doing?”

Oh, shit.

Helen Finchley is standing behind me, wand out and arms crossed. I know her through Mum – the Finchleys are a pretty powerful magickal family. Helen is on the Coven.

“Mrs Finchley! Er – this is Simon, Simon Snow.”

Helen nods at Simon. She knows who he is.

“Simon – Helen Finchley. She’ on the coven.”

Simon looks incredibly nervous, which is not helpful.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs Finchley.”

“Penelope Bunce, you haven’t answered my question. _What_ in the name of Stevie Nicks are you doing here?”

I’m terrible at lying.

“Taking photos?”

“Thank you, Penelope, I can see that. Why?”

“Er …”

“Penny’s helping me with a project for uni,” Simon filled in, not sounding entirely convinced himself. “We’re looking for homeless people.”

“By taking photos of back alleys?”

“Something like that.”

I smile at Helen, trying to look like Simon’s story isn’t a complete surprise, or even like it makes sense.

She looks at us suspiciously.

“Anyway, it was nice to meet you, Mrs Finchley,” says Simon, grabbing my arm. We run like two naughty children for a couple of blocks before running out of puff.

“Simon, this is really bad.”

“Why?” he frowns at me.

“Helen Finchley is on the Coven. If the Coven is poking around here, it means they’re investigating the murder.”

“Why is that bad?”

“If they figure out what Baz is – and you can bet they’ll be hauling him in for questioning – you can see how it’s going to look.”

Simon looks worried. Very worried.

“Shit.”

**Simon**

Penny marches into the apartment, all business.

“Bad news, I’m afraid. The coven is investigating.”

I expect Baz to look worried – more worried – but his expression doesn’t change.

“I know. I’ve just got off the phone with Father. It was definitely a vampire. He wants me to come home.”

“Are you going to?” It’s a challenge. 

“Of course not! They’re going to question me whether I’m here or in Oxford, and it will be a lot harder to investigate from there.”

I’m not sure I agree with Baz. If the Coven figures out he’s a vampire, his family could do a much better job of keeping him safe than me.

“Baz.”

“Snow.”

“Your – your father might be right. You might be safer in Oxford.”

“Do you want me to leave?” his voice is menacing.

“No.” I frown. “Of course not. But I don’t want you to be staked, either.”

“Then you’d better help me find out who did this.”

“I want you to be safe, Baz!”

“Do you think I did this, Simon?” Baz pulls out his sneeriest tone. “Are you worried that the Coven will find out it was me? My father is. That’s why he wants me to go home. He thinks I’ve been unsupervised too long, that I’ve gone native. He thinks I did it.”

“I don’t think you did this, Baz.” I try to stay calm. He’s not entirely rational when he’s worked up like this.

“He won’t punish me, you know. He doesn’t really care whether I’m a monster and a murderer as long as no one finds out. He just wants me to carry on my mother’s name.”

“I’ll punish you,” says Penny suddenly and fiercely. We both look at her in surprise.

“I will investigate this crime to within an inch of its life, and if I find out you did it, I will stake you myself.”

“Why not just let the Coven do it?” he sneers.

“Because I don’t trust them,” she says calmly, “and I’m not entirely sure I trust you. But Simon does, and I will do whatever I can to clear your name. But Basil, if you did this –”

Leaving the threat hanging in the air, Penny returns to the whiteboard.


	5. The Arm in the Alley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon finds a body.

**Simon**

It’s been a pretty slow night at work, but then the late shift is generally pretty quiet on a Wednesday. I’m trying to teach myself how to spin bottles like they do in the movies when Penny’s brother Premal walks in. He looks terrible. The shadows under his eyes are so big they could be bruises and his face looks kind of puffy. Even his clothes look rumpled and too-big. Penny did say he’d been doing it tough lately.

Premal walks up to the bar and is halfway through ordering a rum and coke when he recognises me. He doesn’t falter, just turns around and walks out again.

I guess he still blames me for the Mage’s death.

That’s ok. I still blame me sometimes.

At half one the manager decides we’ll close early, since we haven’t had any customers for an hour. It’s my job to haul the big black bags of rubbish to the skip out the back.

There’s an arm sticking out of it.

I open the skip to check whether someone’s passed out in there. No one has. Someone has died in there. The stench is overwhelming; rotting garbage and just a hint of that sharp, clean, spicy smell Baz mentioned.

I can’t take my eyes off her. She’s like a rag doll. A pale, bloodless rag doll with two little puncture marks on the side of her neck.

**Baz**

It must be five in the morning when my phone starts buzzing. It’s Snow.

“I’m at your front door,” he whispers. “Let me in.”

I let him in.

He looks tired and drawn, and he stinks of garbage. He won’t talk until I’ve sat him down with a cup of tea and am holding his hand, then he blurts it all out at once.

“I found another body. In the alley, at work. It was awful. All limp and pale like you said. And the smell. And the bite marks, on her neck, just like on the other one.” He shudders.

“There was the smell, too, like you said. Spicy. Underneath all the garbage.”

“It’s all right, love,” I murmur. “You’re all right.”

He smiles weakly at me.

“Let’s take a hot shower. Wash the smells off you.”

**Simon**

A hot shower with Baz is exactly what I need right now. I lean against him and let the hot water rush over both of us. He even lets me use his cedar bergamot body wash. It smells like him, clean and warm and a little bit spicy. He holds me and we stand under the water until it’s lukewarm, and he hands me a fluffy white towel.

Baz’s bed looks big and inviting, and I yawn loudly. He rolls his eyes at me, but he’s smiling.

“Come on, Snow,” he says. “Let’s get some sleep.”

Lying in bed, pressed against Baz, I feel the heat from the shower slowly leaving his body. His arm looks pale wrapped around my chest and for a moment it reminds me of the arm in the alley. I shiver.

“All right, Snow?” he whispers.

I bring his hand to my face, and kiss it.

“I’m exhausted. I haven’t slept.”

“You can sleep now.”

Almost immediately, I do.

**Baz**

I can feel the moment Simon’s breathing slows. He clutches my hand in his sleep. Normally having Snow hold me while he sleeps keeps me awake, but right now it’s comforting. I close my eyes and breathe in the scent of him. I can feel myself drifting off – I’m exhausted.

I was awake all night, too.


	6. On Holloway Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz has a plan.

**Simon**

I wake up to a face full of sunlight. For some reason Baz has thrown open the curtains and let in the hot afternoon sun.

“Wake up, Snow, we have a lot to do.” He’s wearing a suit.

“Why did you open the curtains?”

“To wake you up. I considered throwing a bucket of water but I didn’t want to get my pillows wet.”

Typical. He’d rather burn in the sun than ruin his upholstery.

“What are we doing?”

“We’re going to see Nicodemus.”

That takes a minute to sink in.

"We're doing what now?"

"Nicodemus. We're going to see him. This time we'll take Bunce. I have a plan."

This is a terrible idea. Last time we went to see Nicodemus, Baz was so shaken he nearly killed himself.

"Baz, stop. It didn't go well last time. What makes you think he'll help us out now?"

"I told you, Snow, I have a plan. Now get dressed. I'll take care of your wings."

He points to an expensive looking black suit and crisp white shirt which are hanging from his wardrobe door. He has a look on his face that means business.

I can tell he has a plan. I just don't know if it's a good one.

**Penny**

I know something's up when Simon and Baz both turn up at the flat in expensive suits.

"Bunce, we're going out. Show me your clothes."

I blink.

"My clothes?"

"What are you going to wear? I expect we'll need to buy you something, but let's have a look anyway."

"Basil, what the hell is going on? Where are we going? And what's wrong with the clothes I have on?"

He doesn't deign to answer me, just lifts one of those infuriating eyebrows.

I can play that game, too. I fold my arms.

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what we're doing."

Simon hasn't said a word. He just stands there in his expensive suit, looking like an awkward movie star. Baz is right, they make a criminally good looking couple.

Eventually Baz sighs and lowers his eyebrow.

"Simon found another body last night. One more and we have a serial killer. We're going to talk to the vampires."

I stare at him for a moment.

A vampire bar.

It's insanely dangerous.

It's bloody brilliant.

"Why didn't you say that, you splendid moron? Let's go!"

**Baz**

I assumed Bunce wouldn't have anything appropriate to wear. I guessed she wouldn't have any makeup, or know how to put it on if she did. And I know she has no idea what to do with that hair.

Fortunately, I have a plan. I’ve been thinking about it for a few days now, but since Simon found the second body I decided it was time to put it into action.

First I take Snow and Bunce to a place my stepmother likes to go when she’s in London. Simon and I drink herbal teas while they fuss over Bunce, plucking and prodding and pulling and painting. When she’s done she looks like a Bollywood star, if Bollywood stars were ever ginger. Her hair is sleek and twisted up in a pile of perfect loops on top of her head. Simon is gobsmacked. I wonder if I ought to be jealous.

“Why do I have to be the one who gets the ridiculous makeover?” she grumbles. “It’s because I’m the girl, I suppose.”

“Blame the patriarchy, not me,” I tell her. “I need you to look the part.”

“The part of the useless female, I suppose,” she mutters. I ignore her.

She’s not going to be thrilled about where we’re going next.

Next is a little shop on Holloway Road. It doesn’t look like anything special from the outside, and Simon gets distracted by the second hand bookstore next door which sells mostly pornography. I drag him away. As much as I would love to see what Snow comes up with from reading vintage porn, I need him to help me handle Bunce.

Bunce spends a moment looking at the colourful dresses on the racks around the shop. She’s not stupid, she knew I was going to buy her a dress.

I stand and watch her and wait for the penny to drop.

“Baz,” she says in a strangled voice. “Baz. I can’t wear these.”

Simon frowns.

“Why not? This one looks lovely.” He takes a demurely cut, flesh coloured dress from the rack. Then he feels the fabric.

“Oh.”

“Baz.” Bunce whispers again. “I’m not wearing a rubber dress.”

“Think of it as a costume,” I tell her. “We’re playing a part, and we need to look it.”

The salesperson comes in. She looks at our expensive suits and gives us a big smile. I take a dress off the rack – it’s black, like Simon’s suit, with a tight pencil skirt and a deep V neck. If it weren’t made of latex it would be very tasteful and not out of place in a board room, but the glossy material gives it a definite S&M vibe. The salesperson beckons to Bunce, who follows her wordlessly into the fitting room.

**Simon**

Penny looked pretty different with her hair all sleek and makeup on – but in the rubber dress she looks like someone else entirely. It’s pulled her and pushed her in all the right places.

“Stop gawping, Simon.”

As soon as she speaks, the spell is broken. It’s definitely Penny.

“Baz, this is ridiculous. Is it really necessary to put on this charade?”

“It’s necessary.”

Baz pays for the dress and Penny wears it out of the shop. People stare at us as we walk back to the car. When I catch sight of us in a shop window I see why – we look like we’re in a movie about beautiful rich people who go to sex clubs. Baz walks slowly. I don’t know whether he’s drinking it in or practising. Probably both. Penny just looks uncomfortable.


	7. Nicodemus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz takes Simon and Penny to visit Nicodemus.

**Simon**

“Let me do the talking,” Baz tells us, unnecessarily. “And there’s one more thing we need to do.”

He takes my suit jacket off me and my wings unfold on reflex, tearing the back of the shirt. He mutters under his breath, tapping them with his wand to make them visible.

“Baz!” Penny protests. He ignores her. He spells two neat holes in the back of the jacket and gently guides my wings through them as I shrug the jacket back on.

“Tail out, Snow,” he orders, and I pull it out of the back of my pants. I must look ridiculous, but Baz seems to know what he’s doing.

He pushes his way into the bar. It’s mostly empty since it’s just gone dark out, but the few vampires that are here turn and stare at us. Penny draws herself up next to me and I notice the three of us in the mirror. We look terrifying.

“Wait here.” Baz speaks lazily, but loud enough that everyone can hear him. The message is clear: _I am in charge_. He walks over to the bar and speaks with the barman in a low voice.

“Come,” he says to us, and Penny and I follow him wordlessly through the dark bar and into a different invisible doorway. This one leads to a small private room, with couches made from the same fabric as Penny’s dress. The barman brings in a bottle of French champagne and four glasses. Baz pours three of them. We wait.

It must be a couple of hours before there’s a discreet knock on the door.

“Bunce,” says Baz, “Do you remember what Ebb looked like? The goatherd?”

Penny nods.

“Her twin brother is at the bar right now. Can you go and get him and bring him in here?”

“Is that safe? Should I go with her?”

“She’ll be fine, Snow. Everyone saw her come in with me. I need you in here to look terrifying.”

“I can defend myself, Simon.” Penny slips out of the room.

Baz lights a cigarette, and waits.

**Penny**

I feel like I’m in a movie. In this movie, I’m sexy and dangerous and probably evil. It’s cracking stuff, although I’ll be glad when I can take this ridiculous dress off.

I admit I can see why Baz made me dress up, though. The three of us look incredible, especially with Simon’s wings out.

I saunter up to the bar, only wobbling slightly in the ridiculous shoes Baz made me wear.

I spot him easily. Dirty blonde hair, cheap suit. He looks so much like Ebb.

I push her out of my mind, and tap him on the shoulder. He turns around and a slow grin spreads across his face as he looks me up and down.

If anyone looked at me like that normally I’d punch them in the face. Instead I put on my best bored face and wait for him to finish.

“Mr Pitch is waiting,” I tell him, in a low voice that’s not my own. I turn around and stalk back to the private room without waiting to see if he’ll follow.

**Simon**

Penny slinks back into the room and a moment later, Nicodemus follows her. I flap my wings when he walks in. He jumps slightly, and then pretends he didn’t.

“To what do I owe this pleasure, _Mister Pitch_?” he smirks.

Baz takes a slow drag of his cigarette. The tip glows brightly and Nicodemus winces. Baz blows smoke lazily over the low table.

“Nicodemus. Thank you for joining us.” Baz pours him a glass of champagne and Nicodemus downs it in one.

“What’s this about? I thought we were done with each other.”

“I thought so too, Mr Petty, but unfortunately we were both wrong. Some vampire has been leaving bodies all over London. You’re going to tell me who, and I’m going to make them stop. This kind of visibility isn’t going to do either of us any good.”

Nicodemus shrugs. He grins, showing the gaps in his teeth.

“I got nothing to fear from them,” he says. “They know it wasn’t me.”

Baz takes another drag of his cigarette.

“If _they_ decide to wipe out all the vampires in London,” he says, “do you think they will spare you because you are harmless? If they set this place on fire –” another drag “– do you think they will make sure you’re out, first?”

Nicodemus grins again, infuriatingly.

“I’ve gotten pretty good at reading the mood, Mr Pitch,” he says. “I’ll know when to clear out.”

Baz finishes his cigarette and stubs it out on the ashtray.

“I can tease it out of you another way,” he says quietly. “Penelope here is a pretty terrifying mage. I’ve seen her possess a dog from another county. I bet she knows spells you’ve never even heard of. Spells that the Coven can’t trace. And Simon –”

He looks over at me appreciatively. I flap my wings again, and wave my tail. I throw in a growl for good measure. Nicodemus clearly has no idea what to make of me. He looks terrified.

“I can’t tell you who it is,” he says, barely maintaining his composure.

“Is it another one of those can’t-tell-me-or-they’ll-kill-you things?” Baz sounds bored. “Because that worked out so well for you last time.”

Nicodemus looks anguished.

“I don’t know, all right? I really don’t.”

Baz slips his wand out of his sleeve and Nicodemus jumps. Baz sneers and lights another cigarette.

“Then you have some work to do.”

He stands up, drawing himself up so he towered above Nicodemus.

“I’m sure you’ll find me when you have something,” he says, and drops the half-smoked cigarette on the table. Penny and I follow him out. He tosses a thin wad of cash at the bartender and stalks out into the night.


	8. The Vampire King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Nicodemus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See chapter notes at the end ...

**Simon**

Baz saunters back to the car. Penny and I trail along behind him like bodyguards. (I guess that’s what we are right now.)  He takes off pretty quickly and swerves through the traffic.

“ ** _Make way for the king!_** ”

I’m trying to read his face. This is exactly what he did the last time we went to that bar. (The night he tried to kill himself.) (The night everything changed.)

There are no tears this time though. He looks exultant. He parts the traffic and Penny laughs, exhilarated. It’s infectious. I laugh, too. Baz opens all the windows and blasts his ridiculous 80s music. I feel invincible.

He almost rolls the car trying to swing it into a parallel park when we reach our flat. In a fit of gallantry he opens the door for Penny and holds out his hand to her. I’m not surprised when she takes it. None of us are ourselves, tonight.

Still laughing, we trip up the stairs and fumble our way into the flat. Baz produces a bottle of champagne from somewhere and we drink it out of wine glasses.

“Remind me to buy you a set of champagne flutes, Snow.” Baz raises his glass in a sort of toast.

“ ** _Turn it up_**!” Baz points his wandat my iPod dock to start some music. He holds out his hand to Penny again and she stands up and dances with him until she trips over the heel of one of her ridiculous shoes. She collapses onto the couch and holds up her glass for me to refill.

“I suppose I ought to take this dress off. Simon, I’m going to have to ask you to unzip me. I’ll never get it off by myself.”

She turns around and I unzip her dress. The spell is almost broken now. Clutching her shoes in one hand and her half-full glass in the other, she limps into her room and closes the door.

**Baz**

As fun as it was to play Bright Young Things (and it _was_ fun), I’m glad to see Bunce go to bed. I feel like I could conquer the world right now – and Simon is standing in front of me, gorgeous and golden and flushed with champagne. He’s stunning in a suit and with his wings spread wide he looks like some sort of wicked angel.

I want him, _now_.

The spell hasn’t quite broken yet. I wonder whether he will still follow my orders.

“Snow,” I say softly. He straightens his shoulders and looks at me.

“Go into the bedroom and take your clothes off. I’m going to feed, and then I’m going to fuck you senseless.”

He swallows his ridiculous swallow and his eyes travel slowly down my body.

He’s not the only one who looks good in a suit.

I stare pointedly at the bulge in his pants. I raise my eyebrow and he turns on the spot and disappears into the bedroom.

**Simon**

I don’t know whether it’s the champagne or the adrenaline but I feel amazing right now. I just played the part of the villain’s henchman, and I loved it. Baz, as always, was ridiculously cool and in charge and this time I’m not quite ready to give it up. I want him to keep being ridiculously cool for me.  It’s incredibly sexy.

I hang the suit carefully in the wardrobe but toss the shirt on the ground – the back of it is torn to shreds. I’ve just finished draping myself artfully on the bed when Baz comes in. His face is flushed.

“What do you want, Snow?” he asks in a low, menacing voice.

I think about what he told me before he came in.

“I want you to fuck me senseless.”

He licks his lips, and slowly undoes his belt buckle.

“Well, Snow. I’ll see what I can do.”

He picks the shirt up and considers it for a moment. Then he suddenly tears it in two and it's a reminder of ,just how strong he is.

"I want to tie you up."

"Do it," I whisper.

He murmurs something under his breath and waves his wand and the two halves of the torn shirt weave tightly around my wrists, tethering me to the bed. I writhe in anticipation. We've never done anything like this before.

"Use the safe word if you need it," he whispers. I nod. We have a safe word for Baz. He's worried that in the heat of the moment his vampire bloodlust will kick in, and the safe word is a signal for me to back off. He's never used it but I know it makes him feel safer.

It's never been for my needs until now.

**Baz**

Simon Snow is naked and tied up in front of me like some sort of depraved Christmas present.

We're still playing these roles, the vampire king and his unearthly bodyguard.

I climb over him and give myself a moment to savour his fierce helplessness. I kiss him, hard, on the mouth and then draw myself suddenly away, leaving him gasping.

I feel powerful. I am in complete control of everything that happens right now. I just walked into a den of vampires and made them do my bidding, and now I have Simon Snow, naked and at my mercy. His pleasure is mine, and I will take it slowly and without remorse.

I bare my teeth.

"I could bite you right now, Snow.”

I rake my fingernails over his chest. They leave little red streaks on his tawny skin.

“I could do anything I wanted.”

**Simon**

"I could bite you right now, Snow. I could do anything I wanted."

Baz bares his teeth at me and for a moment - just a moment - I'm afraid of him.

The spell breaks.

"Watford."

Baz snaps out of it instantly. He tugs at the end of the torn shirt and the whole thing unravels. He eases himself down so he's lying next to me and holds my hand.

"All right, Simon?" he whispers.

"I'm fine. It was just - too much."

"I'm sorry. I got carried away. It won't happen again."

"It wasn't just you, Baz. I felt it too. The power."

"Still," he says. "Don't let me tie you up again."

I smile.

"I trust you, Baz. Besides, I might want you to some time."

He smiles back.

"And what do you want right now?"

"Right now?" I whisper, turning towards him. He's Baz again, not the immortal vampire king of a few moments ago.

I kiss him slowly.

He kisses me back.

This is what I want right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to point out that what Baz and Simon are doing here, whilst consensual, is not particularly safe. Neither of them are in a good frame of mind to be playing power games. I wrote it that way deliberately - they can both be a bit reckless at times! But please don't think it's a good idea to experiment with bondage when you're high on adrenaline :)


	9. Couldn't Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny has something to say, and Simon doesn't want to hear it.

**Simon**

Penny and Baz are jostling over the whiteboard when I wake up. They're both in jeans, like they're deliberately trying to distance themselves from their personas of last night. Baz has had a shower and he smells like his expensive cedar body wash, clean and spicy.

"I bought breakfast," he says, indicating a slightly greasy paper bag. 

I look in the bag and find a warm, flaky croissant.

"You know, we don't actually know any more than we did yesterday."

"But we've made progress, Simon!" Penny is practically jumping on the spot.

"Really? What do we actually know?"

Penny points to the whiteboard.

"We know the killer is unusual for a vampire in that he leaves his victims to be found. There's no pattern to the victims, so they're probably chosen at random - just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. So far both of the victims have been found behind pubs or bars."

She writes  _drinking problem?_  on the board.

"And the smell," I tell her. 

"Smell?"

"The spicy smell. Baz and I both noticed it."

She wrinkles her nose, and sniffs.

She sniffs again.

She opens her mouth as if to say something, then closes it and writes  _smell_  on the whiteboard.

"There's something else," Baz says. "Both bodies have been found while Simon was at work."

"Could be a coincidence."

"Maybe," he says. "Or maybe someone is trying to frame me."

Penny stares at him for a minute.

"That's one explanation."

**Penny**

I wait until Baz has gone home to sit down with Simon. I only have a few minutes before he leaves for work and he's not going to like what I have to tell him.

"Simon."

I'm not really sure how to say this, but I have to.

"Simon, I think might be Baz."

He spits out his tea.

"It's not Baz, Penny."

"Hear me out. Both times it's happened, you were at work, which is almost the only time you're not together. We know this isn't a normal vampire - and Baz is not a normal vampire. And then there's the smell."

"What does the smell have to do with it?"

"Baz's body wash. It smells spicy. I noticed it this morning."

Simon shakes his head.

"It's a different smell, Penny."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Simon, I know you love him. But I don't think he's really changed, just because he's not trying to kill you anymore. He's still a Pitch. We're just seeing what he's like when he's on our side."

He shakes his head again.

" _We_ were wrong about _him_ , Penny. He's not evil. He never was. I never thought Baz had _changed_ , he just changed his mind about us."

"I'm just saying, you need to know that it might be him."

"It isn't him, Penny." Simon looks at me resolutely. "It couldn't be."


	10. Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Coven calls in an expert.

**Simon**

The flat is empty. It’s weird. Penny must have gone to visit her family again. Baz didn’t stay over last night because I was at work. He never stays if I’m not home.

I think about what Penny said last night. I think about that brief moment when I was afraid of Baz.

Then I think about how tenderly he kissed me, after.

There’s no way it’s Baz. I can't doubt him. Everyone else does.

I think I’ll go over to his place, surprise him for once.

Maybe I’ll take lunch.

**Baz**

Fiona’s home when I get up. It’s unexpected and makes me irritable.

“What are you doing here?”

“Is that how you greet your favourite Aunt, Basil? I live here.”

“No, you don’t.” I suppose technically it’s her flat, but she’s almost never here.

“Today I do. I’m here for work.”

I raise an eyebrow at her. Fiona’s a vampire hunter and I can make a pretty educated guess about why she’s been called back to London.

“I see. Any leads?”

“A few.”

She looks at me speculatively.

“Basil.”

“Fiona.”

“I have to ask. It’s my job. Did you do this?”

I could feign ignorance, but Fiona can read me better than anyone else, even Snow. I’m not even upset, although I’m not sure what she’d do if I said yes.

“No.”

She nods, businesslike.

“I had to ask.” She pauses, as if deciding whether to tell me something.

"There was another one. Last night. They got me on the first plane over this morning. This one fought back - there were some long black hairs in his hand."

Aleister fucking Crowley. This just gets worse. Someone has to catch this thing before it kills again - or before I get the blame for it.

"Can't they just do a DNA test on them? Case closed."

"DNA only works if you have a suspect to compare it to, Baz."

"Right."

I take a moment to think about that. When we catch the thing we won't need any proof. They'll be able to match the DNA. That makes our job so much easier.

I have another, less pleasant thought.

“What would you have done, if I’d said yes?”

“Fuck, I don’t know, Baz.” She shakes her head. “I really don’t want to think about it.”

“Well, you don’t have to. Go and look in the fridge.”

She goes and looks in the fridge. It’s full of neatly stacked containers of pigs’ blood. She snorts.

“Good boy.”

The front door buzzes. It’s Snow. I press the button to let him in, and he comes upstairs with a steaming package of chips. It smells amazing.

Fiona smirks and steals a chip.

“I’ll leave the two of you to it. Watch out for numpties!”

I roll my eyes as she slips out the door.

Simon frowns.

“Why is Fiona home?”

“She’s investigating the vampire attacks.”

“Oh.”

He’s silent for a minute.

“Why is she investigating the vampire attacks?”

“Because she’s a vampire hunter, Snow. That’s what they do.”

He blinks at me.

“Your aunt is a vampire hunter?”

“I believe I just said that.”

“Um, Baz.”

“Crowley, Snow, she’s not going to turn me in. She knows I’d never bite a person.”

He looks relieved.

“As long as you’re sure.”

Snow kisses me. He tastes like salt and oil.

“We’ll catch them, Baz,” he whispers. “We’ll catch them and prove it wasn’t you. I promise.”


	11. The Monster I Am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The latest victim leaves some new evidence, and it doesn't look great for Baz.

**Baz**

Simon has just added _black hairs_ to the whiteboard when Bunce comes puffing in. She looks stressed, and when she sees me she looks angry as well.

"Well, we officially have a serial killer," she announces grimly. “Premal found another body last night. Like he’s not messed up enough already right now."

“Yeah, we know,” says Simon. “Baz’s Aunt has been called in to help investigate.”

“Why would Baz’s Aunt be called in to investigate?”

“She’s a vampire hunter.”

Bunce stares at me. Eventually she smiles, crookedly.

“Well, that’s ironic.”

“Why?” It’s a challenge. Even though Bunce’s suspicions are reasonable, I’d hoped she had come to trust me more than that. “Vampires killed her sister. It seems like a natural career choice to me.”

Bunce shrugs. She’s not going to engage.

“I see you heard about the black hairs they found on the body,” she says to Simon.

“Fiona told us.”

“I see. So the Coven’s own vampire hunter, who won’t turn in a vampire _in her own flat_ , is now sharing evidence with a suspect.”

“I’m. Not. A. Suspect.” It takes all my will not to shout at her. “I’ve already answered the Coven’s questions. They have no reason to think it was me.”

“They don’t know you’re a vampire.” She turns to Snow. “Simon, you have to admit that this doesn’t look great. We have a killer who looks like Baz -”

“Lots of people have black hair!” I protest.

“Smells like Baz.”

“It didn’t smell like Baz.” Snow pouts.

“Only strikes when you are at work. _Simon_.”

“It wasn’t Baz,” says Simon solidly.

It’s not the strongest defence, but right now I’ll take it. I stand up.

“Thank you for letting me know where I stand, Bunce,” I say coolly. “It’s nice to know that after three years of almost living together you can still see the monster I am.”

To her credit, she looks slightly ashamed.

“Baz -”

“Don’t bother. I’m going home.”

I squeeze Simon’s hand.

“Are you working tonight?”

He nods, miserably.

“Come over tomorrow, then.”

I stride out of the flat without turning around. I knew this was coming, but it still stings. I like Bunce.

She’s also the best bet I have of finding this thing.


	12. A Witness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another night, another murder ... but this time, there's a witness.

**Baz**

It’s eleven at night. I’m trying to get ahead on next semester’s readings but I can’t concentrate. Damn Bunce and her perfectly reasonable suspicions.

My phone buzzes. It’s Snow.

“I thought you were at work.”

“I’m outside your flat. Let me in?”

I let him in. I will always let him in.

He’s pale and sweaty, and as soon as he gets in he dashes for the bathroom.

“Snow? Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, Baz,” he says weakly. “I just ate something dodgy again.”

Snow eats something dodgy at least once a month. He’s terrible at looking after himself. When we eventually move in together I’m not sure I’ll even let him in the kitchen.

Eventually he emerges.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” He gives me those pleading puppy eyes. I think he knows I can’t say no to them.

I wasn’t getting any study done, anyway. It will give me a sort of perverse satisfaction to play nursemaid to my sick boyfriend while Bunce imagines I’m out doing unspeakable things.

“Of course you can,” I tell him, sitting on the bed. He lies down and curls himself around me. He closes his eyes and smiles weakly.

At least I can make one person feel safe.

**Simon**

I don’t know what I ate this time but it’s definitely taking its revenge. I must be up every half hour. Baz is very patient. I expected to find him in a lather of self-loathing after the spat he had with Penny, but he’s all care and concern.

He’s a pretty great boyfriend when I’m sick.

He’s a pretty great boyfriend most of the time, actually.

Penny is wrong. There are heaps of vampires with black hair. Besides, I know the spicy smell was different to Baz’s body wash. Even if Penny thinks I’m deluded.

My stomach heaves. I roll off the bed and crawl toward the bathroom.

**Baz**

It’s about five in the morning when Snow drifts off to sleep. I’m exhausted, but I’m too wired to sleep so I creep into the living room and try to read my textbooks. I’m still there when Fiona comes in.

“Why are you up?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

She eyes me suspiciously.

“Baz, I have to ask. I’m sorry. Where were you last night?”

“I was here, Fiona.”

She shakes her head.

“There’s been another one. Christ. At least there was a witness this time, sort of. The Normal who found the body. Says she saw someone who looked like Peter Pan or Robin Hood, running away. She only saw the back of him, but we got a bit of a description.”

“Peter Pan.”

“Tall, black hair, dressed like Peter fucking Pan.”

I stare at her.

“That sounds like the Mage.”

“The Mage is dead, Basil,” she snaps. She’s still bitter that she didn’t get to do it.

“I know. I was there. But still.”

She sighs, and drops wearily into one of the chairs.

“If someone is dressed like Peter fucking Pan, there is a chance it has something to do with the Mage. He had some pretty fanatical followers. What the hell they think they can achieve by setting vampires on people is beyond me.”

“Unless they’re trying to frame me,” I point out.

Like everyone else, Fiona ignores this idea.

“You’re not that important, boyo,” she says. “But do me a favour? Keep a low profile and stay out of the damn case.”

“Fiona.” I’ve just thought of something brilliant. “What time did the witness see the murderer?”

“After midnight - about half twelve. Why?”

I smile my biggest smile at her.

“Because at half past twelve last night I was holding Simon’s hair while he threw up. I can prove to Bunce that it wasn’t me.”

“Why the hell do you care what the Bunces think?” she asks, bewildered. Without waiting for an answer, she stretches and stands up.

“I’m going to bed, Baz. Don’t wake me up for anything.”


	13. Up all night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz and Simon give Penny an update.

**Penny**

Simon is pale and weak when he stumbles in and for a moment all I can think is that Baz has bitten him. It must be written on my face because Baz gives me a disgusted look.

“He ate something stupid again, Bunce. He's fine.”

I feel a little bit guilty, but then I remember that Baz is our prime suspect in the vampire serial killer hunt and the guilt goes away.

“Penny,” Simon croaks. “Penny, it wasn't Baz.”

“Simon, we’ve talked about this.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “Penny. It _wasn't Baz_. There was another murder last night, with a witness and everything. The murderer was dressed like the Mage.”

“Simon, how do you know all this?”

“Fiona,” says Baz curtly. Fair enough.

“Penny,” Simon says again. “Baz was with me. All night. We were up until five this morning. _It wasn't him_.”

“Snow was sick,” Baz adds hastily. “I was up looking after him. We weren't -”

I think he's trying to blush.

It wasn't Baz.

_It wasn't Baz._

Then who the fuck was it?

**Simon**

I know I look like shit right now, because of the way Penny looked at me when I walked in. But I feel brilliant. Well, maybe not brilliant, but I can finally prove to Penny that it wasn't Baz. They'll stop fighting and we can actually catch the real killer.

The silence is really awkward. I go to the whiteboard and write

_Dresses like the Mage_

_(Or Peter Pan?)_

_Definitely magickal. Maybe revenge?_

That makes me shudder. There were three people there when the Mage died: Baz, Penny, and me. Which means if someone is looking for revenge, they're after one of us.

**Baz**

Bunce just stares at me for a while, like she's seeing me in a whole new light. Has she honestly believed me capable of serial murder all the time I've been with Simon? Crowley. Either she hid it really well, or she didn't actually care.

Sometimes I have my doubts about Bunce.

She blinks slowly.

“I'm sorry, Baz. It was really shitty of me.”

I raise my eyebrow at her. I understand why she suspected me. I would have. But it hurt. I didn't even realise I cared about what she thought.

That annoys me too. Caring.

“Make it up to me, then.” I tell her coldly. “Find the bastard before I get framed for this.”

She swallows, and nods. She's even blinking suspiciously wet eyelashes. Crowley, everyone's emotional today.

Snow stopped scribbling on the whiteboard as soon as Bunce spoke. He's grinning like the idiot that he is. That snaps her out of it.

“Right,” she says, snatching the marker from him. “We have work to do.”


	14. One of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicodemus has some information, but the Coven gets a tip-off about Baz.

**Simon**

I’d know him anywhere. The lank, dirty-blonde hair. The 80s punk clothes. The face that’s still so startlingly like hers.

Nicodemus.

I’m not expecting to see him where I work, though.

“Gin and tonic?”

“What do you want?” I try to put on my best threatening voice.

“I want a gin and tonic.”

I roll my eyes at him and pour his drink. I slam it down in front of him and it sloshes over the bar.

“Five pounds.”

“How much for me?”

“Ten pounds.”

He gives me a fed up look.

“Look, I did my digging around, like the brat asked. I’ve come up with something he might find interesting.”

I put my hand over his drink. He’s almost making this too easy.

“I’m listening.”

He looks exasperated. I’m not sure how he thought this was going to go, but evidently not like this.

“Fine. It’s not a vampire.”

The confusion must show on my face.

“It’s. Not. A. Vampire.”

“I heard you, I just don’t understand. How could it not be a vampire?”

“It’s one of you,” he sneers. “A fucking mage.”

“I’m not - I mean, a mage?”

“He didn’t pick you for your brains, did he? Some fucking madman is magickally exsanguinating people and leaving little holes in their necks, apparently for kicks. You can tell your … whatever he is to you, that he’s looking in the wrong place. _It’s not a vampire_.”

Well.

Shit.

This definitely changes things.

**Baz**

Fiona never calls. She hates talking on the phone. I don't think she's ever called me before, actually. She always texts.

She's calling now.

“Where are you?” No hello. No niceties.

“I'm at Simon’s place. What -”

“Stay there. I'm coming.”

I swear it's less than ten minutes before she knocks, insistent. She strides past Bunce and grabs my shoulders.

“Who have you told?”

“Calm down, Fiona. Who have I told what?”

Her face is inches from mine.

“Don't be coy, Basil. You know what.”

I do know what. Dread uncurls in my belly, hot and heavy. I scramble desperately for my bored face.

“What's going on, Fiona?”

She lets me go and drops heavily on the couch, head in hands.

“They're sending me back to Prague.”

 “So?” Asks Snow, naively.

“So? I'm the best damn vampire hunter they’ve got. If they want me off this case it's because they suspect it's someone I’d protect. Which means _him_.”

I can't move or speak. Aleister fucking Crowley, I'm finished.

Snow gives me a horrified look, like I've just been diagnosed with cancer. It's sufficiently irritating that it snaps me out of my funk. I scowl at him.

“Maybe,” says Penny, “or maybe they don’t need a vampire hunter because they’ve figured out it’s not a vampire.”

Fiona looks at her like she has two heads.

“I’ll explain in a minute,” I tell her. “Is it just that you’ve been sacked?”

“No. There were a few questions, about - about the attack on Watford. When your mother was killed.”

“Questions about me?”

“About whether there was any possibility you’d been bitten.”

Ah.

“What did you tell them?”

Fiona shoots me a withering look.

“I told them that if you’d been bitten, we’d know about it by now. Which is perfectly true, but I don’t think they’re going to take my word for it.”

“Right.” I say. “Fuck. We have to find him. Now.”

“Jesus Christ, Baz! You’re not finding anyone! You need to pack a bag and hightail it out to Oxford right this bloody minute. Your father expects you tonight. I came over here to pick you up.”

I stare at her. She’s right, of course. I should go. Someone is definitely trying to frame me for this and I’ll be much safer there, under my family’s protection.

 “I will not,” I say instead.

Snow, Bunce and Fiona all stare at me.

“Baz,” says Snow, softly. He takes my hand. “Baz, I think you should go.”

“No.”

Bloody Snow is rubbing off on me. I’m going to play the hero, and end up with my wand snapped and my fangs pulled out. And that’s if I’m lucky.

“Baz, please.”

“Listen to your terrible boyfriend, Basil.”

“ _No_. Someone is trying to frame me for this, and I want to know _who_ , and I want to know _why_. If you all care so much about what happens to me, then _help me catch him_.”

“He’s right.”

It’s Bunce. Coming to my rescue.

“Baz is right. If the Coven already suspects he’s a vampire, all they need to do is prove it.”

“But the DNA!”

“If they find out he’s a vampire, they won’t bother with the DNA!”

“He has an alibi!” Simon protests.

“No one is going to believe you, Simon. They’ll think you’re just trying to protect him.”

“But I _am_ trying to protect him!”

“Enough!” I stand up.

“Arguing won’t get us any closer to catching the murderer. Simon, I’m not going anywhere so if you want to _protect me_ , then help. Fiona, that goes for you, too.” 

She gives me a look, exasperated but a little bit proud.

“All right,” she says at last. “Show me what you’ve got so far.”


	15. Spice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz gets a deadline.

**Simon**

“How on earth were you so effective at Watford? This is the worst investigation I’ve ever seen.” Fiona crosses her arms and stares at the whiteboard.

“Well, now that we have you I’m sure we’ll just be racing along.”

Penny’s standing in the doorway carrying a big container of her Mum’s curry. Fiona rolls her eyes.

“It doesn’t help that you haven’t been here all day.”

“I was here all night. Today I had family stuff on. I can’t just hit pause on everyone else while we sort this out.”

“I did.”

“You just got sacked, there was nothing to hit pause on.”

“I didn’t get sacked, I got removed from this one case. I’m still the best vampire hunter in Europe and I’m supposed to be out there, hunting vampires.”

They were bickering like this all night.

“You are hunting a vampire,” I say. “Sort of.”

Fiona sighs and opens her mouth to say something, but Penny interrupts her.

“ _Anyway_. We don’t have time for this. Baz, the Coven is going to take you in for questioning again. We have until tomorrow morning to solve this case.”

**Baz**

It’s like Bunce has suddenly sucked the air from the room. Everyone is silent. If I had a heartbeat I’d be able to hear it, thudding in my ears. The lack of it compounds the silence.

Everyone looks at me.

I look at Bunce.

“Mum was talking to Helen Finchley on the phone so I listened in. She wanted to know whether Mum knew anything about the Watford Tragedy. They got an anonymous tip-off that you might have been bitten. They want to bring you in tomorrow to test whether you’re a vampire.”

“Jesus Christ. Basil, we’re leaving for Oxford. Right now.”

“To do what, Fiona? Hide behind my father? Start another war between the Families and the Coven? If anything, running away will look like an admission of guilt. I’m not going anywhere. We’re going to solve this, _tonight_.”

Simon is giving me that look again. Bunce, to her credit, doesn’t waste any more time. She holds up the container of curry.

“No one can think on an empty stomach. I’m going to heat this up and then we’re going to catch the murderer.”

**Simon**

I really need to concentrate but all I can think is, _they’re going to hurt Baz_. How did I get through this at Watford? This used to be our lives.

It was always me, though. In danger. Penny and Agatha sometimes got in danger’s way, but danger was never actually out to get them.

Someone is out to get Baz, and for once it isn’t me.

I don’t like it.

“Snow, focus.” He sounds haughty and irritable. We have a map of London spread out on the table, trying to figure out where the next attack might happen.

“If we’re right about the pattern – moving up the tube line like this – then it’s got to be one of these pubs.” Penny circles three little squares. “They’re the only ones with accessible alleyways behind them.”

Fiona chokes on her mouthful of curry, and spits out a little brown thing.

“I got a clove.” She makes a face. “My tooth feels weird where I bit it.”

“Yeah, they’re great for toothache,” says Penny. “Premal chews on them all the time. Says he likes the feeling.”

Baz frowns, and sniffs like a bloodhound.

“Give it here.”

“What? That’s been in my mouth.” Fiona frowns. Baz reaches over and takes the clove from her. He stares at it for a moment and then crushes it between his fingers. It startles me, because I always forget how strong Baz is. He holds it out to me.

“Recognise the smell?”

I sniff. It’s clean and spicy. The smell from the body.

“Jesus Christ.”

“So you’ve identified the smell. How does that help us?” Fiona asks curtly.

“It’s the last piece of the puzzle,” says Baz. “We’re looking for someone tall, with dark hair and a drinking problem, who has a grudge against me that has to do with the Mage, and smells like cloves.”

He looks pointedly at Penny.

“No,” she whispers.

“I’m sorry.”

I’m confused.

So is Fiona. She looks between the two of them.

“So … you magickally know who it is now?”

“He thinks it’s my brother.”

Oh.

_Oh._

Shit.

Oh, shit.

**Baz**

I could gloat at Bunce if I wanted to. She was so convinced it was me, and now the shoe is most definitely on the other foot.

I don’t want to, though. I mostly just feel bad for her.

Also, I only have tonight to catch Premal before the Coven arrests me, so I need a plan. Now.

“Snow, go and put something nice on. You’re taking Bunce for a night out.”

“What? I thought we needed to finish this tonight.”

“We do. I have an idea.”


	16. A Trap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny and Simon set out to catch a killer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone! Here are the final two chapters :)

**Baz**

 I walk home slowly, purposefully. I take my time. I feel in control, and powerful in a way I haven’t since this whole thing started. London, after dark, is my domain. I’m going to take it back.

Fiona and Bunce thought it was a terrible plan.

“We only have one shot at this, Basil,” Fiona had said.

I know we do. That’s why we have to do it this way.

I made a big show of saying goodbye to Snow outside his flat. I have no idea whether Premal was watching, but if he was then he’ll know that I’m on my own tonight.

At home, I pace the flat. I stare at my phone, willing it to buzz.

It buzzes. We’re on.

**Simon**

It seems like we’ve barely got anywhere before Fiona texts us.

_The Swan and Crown. Cameras in place._

She texts like Baz.

I hope he’s ok.

I hope he doesn’t do anything stupid.

Penny and I turn around and head back towards the Swan and Crown.

**Baz**

Snow and Bunce are waiting in the alley when I get there. Snow is nervous and fidgety; Bunce is all business.

“Be careful,” Snow whispers.

His nervousness is irritating. I need Action Snow, my Watford nemesis who faced off against every conceivable evil thing and lived to tell the tale. I need the Simon Snow I fell in love with, who ran headfirst into every problem and never stopped to think about it.

I need to feel like he’s going to save the day.

“What’s wrong with you?” I ask him.

He holds me tight, and squeezes.

“Just, be careful.”

I think I understand.

A text from Fiona: _Table by the window._ This is almost too easy. I square my shoulders and stride past the window, into the bar. I can see a little green out of the corner of my eye but I deliberately ignore it. I sit at the bar, my back to him, and order a drink.

My phone buzzes again. _Now._

Showtime.

**Simon**

The girl steps into the alley first. She’s drunk, and handsy. She pushes Premal up against the wall and kisses him roughly. He pulls out his wand and holds it to her neck.

“ ** _Freeze_**!”

Penny’s voice rings out clearly beside me, thick with magic. Premal and the girl look like wax statues, frozen in place. Penny takes a pair of iron handcuffs from her pocket and twists Premal’s arms behind his back. Her face is stony but hot tears run silently down her cheeks.

Penny releases the spell. The girl looks around, startled, and runs away. Premal starts to run too, but Penny points her ring at him.

“ ** _Have a nice trip_**!”

Premal stumbles and falls. He scrambles up but he’s too slow. Baz is standing between Premal and the street. He grabs Premal’s arm and holds tight.

Sometimes I forget that Baz is incredibly strong.

A shadow against the wall moves, and becomes Fiona. She claps, slowly.

“So this was your secret,” she says. “Penelope Bunce.”

Penny stares at her, and says nothing.

Fiona retrieves the camera.

“This should be enough for the Coven.”

She takes Premal’s arm from Baz, and leads him towards her car.

“Premal!” Penny calls.

He looks back over his shoulder.

“Why?”

He stares straight at me. His eyes are hard.

“You tarnished him, then you killed him,” he snarls. “I wanted you to know what that feels like.”


	17. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon makes a decision.

**Baz**

“I’ve quit my job,” Snow announces.

I raise my eyebrow at him.

“Oh?”

“I’ve decided – I’ve decided to do what Dr Wellbelove suggested. I want to run for the Mage’s seat on the Coven.”

I stare at him for a moment. I think my mouth has dropped open. It’s very undignified.

“Why?”

“Because – because I need to be able to protect you. If anything like this happens again. Premal found out you were a vampire. Someone else could, too.”

I frown at him.

“How can you protect me by being on the Coven? My father can do that.”

He shakes his head.

“It’s not enough, Baz. One day, someone might find out about you. It came really close this time. I want to work with the Coven to be less – less horrible to magickal creatures. Vampires.”

“Snow, vampires are soulless, bloodsucking monsters. The Coven doesn’t need to be less horrible to them.”

He shakes his head again, in that stupid way he does.

“You’re not.”

“How do you know?”

“I _know_.” He puts his arms around me, and lays his head on my shoulder. He’s just the right height for it. I rest my cheek on his hair, because I can’t help myself.

“I need to be able to protect you,” he says again. “I need to keep you safe.”

He smells like a bakery, first thing in the morning. I close my eyes and breathe him in.

Simon Snow as my protector. Simon Snow, keeping me safe. In his arms.

“All right,” I breathe. “Carry on, Simon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all, folks! Please comment and let me know - did you like it? Did you guess? Was it too obvious, or not obvious enough? What should I write next? What did you get for Christmas?
> 
> Merry Christmas, everyone!


End file.
